March1,1999
A new month,and I have to say, I think it's going to be a good one.
Yep, I feel pretty positive. I started back on an exercise routine,
and stopped blaming myself for all that is going wrong.....now Im
just going to fix it. I feel alot better, thinking the meds are kicking
in.....and the exercise has helped. I think all will go okay with Annie...
and this time away with her dad is going to do alot of good. Yeah, I
miss her like crazy.....but this is what is needed. Me, I need a tune-up,
and that has started today! Im back.....(know I have said this before
but Im really back) NO MORE BLAMING ME!!!!!! See ya all tomorrow
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March2,1999
Did my Jane Fonda this morning....Rich left for the road,Keith is in
school.....a very quiet and peaceful day. Loved it, love the soreness
again, the positive attitude I have.....and just the feeling that everything
is going to be okay. Like this,been too down and out of it for way too
long.....time to stop. Im just going to concentrate on these last ten
pounds, exercisng everyday, my family and most important,ME.....
see ya tomorrow.....HMMMMM, it seems with no crisis going on, my posts
are shorter,,,,unless U want to discuss the plumbing in the house again.
LOL
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March3,1999
Did my exercising this morning, feeling so much better to do that again,
wondered what took me so long. Meds still doing good, and Im still at
the same weight....though I have those 26 inch waist jeans on today,
and ya know they are a bit looser :-)......so Im going to forget the
#'s on the scale, and go by the way my clothes fit.....if I am fortunate
enough to take off another ten like I want to, great, if not......Im not
going to stress over it. I like the way I look......and I need to tone,
exercise and eat healthy........easier said then done, huh? Though,friends
I think I can do it.....oh yeah, I will put new pics in of me, have to
show off the waist, don't I? K Janet?????? Love you. see ya all tomorrow
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March4,1999
Finally got a little snow, not too much but pretty.....did a little
exercise this morning, have a low energy day I guess. Feeling good...
just a tad on the tired side.....I think all the stress, and it being
over is catching up with me. Rich got paid today, though the bank
has not recieved it....Lovely, the IRS told me that the refund is due
for tomorrow.....lets hope here. I talked to Andrea's dad last nite
and she told him that she wants to stay with him for good now. Not
too sure if its a passing thing, cause she hasnt gotten into trouble yet,
but if that is what she wants.....what can I do? Maybe she is happier
there......I cant deny her that.Anyway.....thats about all I have to say
today.....and I feel like Im getting soooooooo boring. Sorry friends,
maybe a new crisis will be around the corner, or I will lose a pound.
Talk to you all tomorrow
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March5,1999
Good day! IRS refund came in, Rich's paycheck, got all the bills paid
and caught up, and enough left over for a car! Not that much, we had so
many high bills.....but its done, and thats a big stress relief. I
binged last nite......I dont even know why, and I have the dr tomorrow...
I usually drink just water before dr day. Oh well, life has to go on......
I may never get these ten pounds down, look like Shania Twain or have
a brand new car......but I have accomplished a hell of alot in my life,
and its time to be proud of that! See you all tomorrow
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March7,1999
Hi all, didnt get a chance to post yesterday,we had snow,Rich didnt make
it home til later on in the day and we needed to "talk"....so, no luck
with the car yet, havent been able to look but pretty confident I will
have one during the week.......Other then that, Im doing pretty good!
Write more tomorrow
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March8,1999
Looks like the car will have til wait til next weekend, Rich had to
leave out and hopefully will have more time in next weekend to look
for a car....we did some shopping for Keith, I got a new microwave
and perfume,little odds and ends.....Doing great with the diet, having
more energy and eating really good as well as exercising. I WILL GET TO
130!!!!!!! Weighing in tomorrow...maybe there will be a loss, not too
sure.....my pants are looser, but could just be inches. Its just this
damn double chin that keeps bothering me...........see ya tomorrow
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March9,1999
Late post, went out with Tami and another friend of ours.....real little
local bar, had a few beers and home we are. Not that exciting......though,
I should have a car in the morning and that is something to be excited about!
A job, freedom, no more begging rides. I weighed in, and sorry to say
no loss, but hey Im maintaining, and thats a good thing. Though, Im not
giving up! I will get these last ten pounds off. Wish me luck tomorrow....
with the car that is.
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March10,1999
No more carless in pa!!!!! Yahoo! I got my car today, a Nissan Stanza
91, and great shape. Overjoyed is a great word to describe my mood
today....Tomorrow Im going to get it registered and then look for a
job. Im still going to do the Mary Kay, but that is just once a week
and my own hrs at the hotel. I really want to get a Mon-Fri real job,
help out with the bills, freedom from the house all day. Tami told me
that she would watch Keith if I work alittle late...so it can all work
out. I feel pretty good, I do believe my meds are working great, and
have to say that I feel like my old self again. Tami and I took the car
out before for a test drive and I had to stop and see everyone at the
stores....my hairdresser was telling me how skinny I was! That's a word
I havent heard or would describe....but hey, it felt great! Still want
to get these ten pounds off....gonna obsess over this. See ya all tomorrow
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March11,1999
Okay all legal today, car that is! I already looked into a job at the
gas station/country store today...I worked at a deli on the Island so
I know I can handle it....just hoping they can be flexiable with the
hours. Other then that, still going to look around.....I really want
something a tad bit better then that (I hate deli work, ya know the nails)
Feeling better and better everyday, looking forward to the dr Sat.....
just so I can thank him for telling me to be patient and not giving up
on the meds that fast. I have alot of energy, laughing again and just
feels so good to hear all my friends tell me how great I am sounding again....
Tami even said today, I love hearing you rant(lol) you are getting all
that out instead of holding it all in and crying. Just being able to go
visit with all my friends..(they all work in the stores, I make friends
all over) feels soooooo good. Now back to that last ten pounds....I am
going to get this off! If I can lose 100, why oh why cant I lose a lousy ten?
The plumbing......ya know, its still messed up. We will leave it at that.
See ya all tomorrow
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March12,1999
Hi all.....Rich is on his way in, gets a weekend home finally, so I figured
I would post early. Going to Tami's later, have a few beers, girl nite
out at her house :-). Tomorrow is dr day, and I dread not having a loss....
He is always telling me how amazing I am that I have lost so much, all
the willpower, and not to have at least a pound off, ahhhh, just hate it.
Though Im not there for weight loss, so why even stress? Im there to
moniter my meds....it never ends, the obsession that is, the always
thinking how fat I am, when I know I am not. Weird how your mind takes
over your body like that. Nothing to report on any jobs yet, but
going to take a ride to the store now and pick up the local paper....
see whats out there. Okay, all have a great nite, weekend and talk to you
tomorrow
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March13,1999
Rich came in at dinner time, and now he is off getting some new tires
to put on my car and all that kind of manly stuff......me,not feeling
all that well today, woke up with a really bad headache, and just feel
crappy. I have to go to the dr too at 4:30, and like I said I know there
will be no loss......maybe thats why I feel sick? Its all in my mind?
You know, no loss, dissapointement over that. I really got to stop obsessing
over this......Talked with Annie last nite, she is doing really great
with school, she got her first progress report and all great grades...
much better then the D's that she had on her last report card. Though
she told me that she wants me and her father back together (did she
forget that I just got married?) That is what she is blaming all the
bad behavior on now......what do I think? Its just another game.....
she knows that will never happen. She does say that she misses me and
her brother, the dog.....but nothing about Rich. I really don't know what
to do about this one. I made it perfectly clear that there is no way Im
going to break up my family to suit her whim....and if she cant deal
with it, then I suppose she can stay with her father.....Please someone
tell me this is just a 13 year old stage......talk to you tomorrow
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March15,1999
Not such a great weekend, dr went okay...I had no loss, but we all knew
that. Though I did get diagnosed with a nasty sinus infection and had
to get a shot and be put on antibiotics. Rich has left me.My parting words from him
was that I was selfish, thought nothing of him, the bills are all my
fault. lets just say everything is my fault. He wanted me to tell the
doctor that I was whacky again, when all my friends were telling me
how much better I was and sounding....I don't know what to do....
kinda in shock. I have a job interview tomorrow at 10......I need it.
Wish me luck. Talk to all tomorrow,( Just a add on......had my interview
this morning, she called me, and I got the job! Full time Mon-Fri and
works with Keiths schedule, so tomorrow is my first day, training, trial
run....but I can do it....well at least one good ray of sunshine today)
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March16,1999
Well just finished my first day at the job..and must admit that I busted
my butt...but hey, think of the exercise! It was great, and I loved it,
the only thing I couldnt figure out was the stupid credit card machine..
You would think that using this puter everyday, that would be a piece
of cake.....NOT, and to make it even better, my manager is a blonde, and
I just had to say to the customer waiting on me to figure it out "sorry,
just having a blonde moment" Thank goodness she had a good sense of humor.
Now I will be sure to say "redhead moment".....On to the home front,
didnt hear from Rich last nite, and our last phone conversation yesterday
afternoon wasnt all that well. I am still 100% at fault in this matter,
and I guess til I admit that, I will be without my husband.....Sorry,
just cant do that.....it takes two. If that is being selfish, as Im told
Im am, then so be it......well, that all I really have to say for now.
Looking forward to weighing in on Friday.....could see a loss, and hey
a paycheck! Talk to you tomorrow
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March17,1999
Day two at the local hangout.....pretty good day, went fast, and I know
I am getting a great workout. Had a few people get a little testy with me,
cause I couldnt figure out the lotto machine....getting the hang of the
credit card machine, ya gotta laugh, its the most simple little box,and
the damn thing makes me panic....anyway, looks like I got good hours
for next week, Mon-Fri 8-3. Love it. Though Im tired,and sore.....well again
great exercise. As for the home front and Rich and I, still not sure
if he is coming home. I just have to take it day by day. Talk to you
all tomorrow......
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March18,1999
I finally got out of the 40's!!!!!!! 139 this morning, and nine more
to go for goal. It has to be the job, what a workout I get. Though I made
20 bucks in tips today! not bad at all, took Keith for pizza, I had
one slice....doing good here. Have to be in at 8 tomorrow, and I have
to say TGIF...feels good saying that again :-) This is good friends,
a pretty neat job, a great car, lets just hope that all goes well with
Andrea and Rich....miss them both. See you all tomorrow
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March19,1999
Hi all,real long day at the store...but did good, got my first paycheck,
and of course its gone...isnt that always the way? All I can say now is
TGIF!!!!! Its great though, I really love it....everyone knows my name...
Im still not sure on their names yet, but will get it. Tami came in today
and that was pretty fun, of course she wants all the local dirt as soon
as possible.....LOL. Im sure there will be plenty. Rich will be in tomorrow
morning, and I see Andrea next weekend....I cant wait, I talked to her
this afternoon and she sounded so tired, but her dad told me that she
is doing so good...all 100's!!!! Im so proud of her, though I still feel
a little twinge....why couldnt I do that? Why couldnt I get her to care about
her grades? (Heavy sigh) Though, I have to look at the good side, and
that is that she is doing great in school and has nice friends......
Rich will be home til Tues, and Im looking forward to that, hoping that
we can talk some, try and see what we can do here to get it back together...
Well, talk to you all tomorrow.
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March20,1999
Glad that it is the weekend. Just got my nails done, they really needed
it....and now off to Kmart, gotta get some good sneakers, my legs are
killing me. Rich came in this morning and we had coffee together, then
he had to get Tami's husband Willie where he works and then to the animal
hospital......(didnt tell you, but she ran over her dog yesterday) Hes
okay...I just couldnt believe it, that dog is all over the road all the
time, never got hit and who hits him? Tami....but then again, we all
remember the diamond episode, dont we? :-)......have a great day and
talk to you all tomorrow
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March22,1999
Hi all, didnt get a chance to post yesterday, seems like that sinus
infection I had resurfaced......so, kinda layed around most of the day,
except for a little ride with Tami....and then we made turtle cake.....
I wound up working til 3 today, so much for the cutting of the hours..
They told me it would be 8-1 mon-thurs and 8-3 just on fri......now if its busy, I stay til
3....no matter, I need the money. Besides that, doing good.....and ready
for the long hard week ahead. Rich and I really didnt get a chance much
to talk, but it seems to be going smoothly, or so to say, no one wants to
rock the waters......well, got some work to do around the house, and
to my friends that wrote to me, I will get to answering back, please
forgive me for being late.......talk to you all tomorrow
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March23,1999
Hi all,well an easy day today, just had to work til 1, and got lots of
sleep yesterday.....after dinner,passed out, didnt even hear Rich leave
at midnite....(he cleaned the kitchen and washed the floor:-) We didnt
get to talk much at all over the weekend, kinda wished we could of.....
still feel like we are lost. It seemed like we just went on like all was
normal, and Im not too sure that is the way to deal with it....everything
grows inside like a cancer that way. Other then that, Im still fighting
this sinus infection and feel kinda lousy but since I got home early,I
better catch up on all my mail sitting in the letters to be answered box.
Tami is coming over later.....(Willie is giving her a hard time about
running over her dog) Kokomo is fine, Im glad to say.....Well one good
thing about this new job of mine, Im not hungry at all....I guess working
with all that food all day just kills the appetite, and you all know I have
no problem with that......see you all tomorrow
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March24,1999
Another major long day, worked til 3...and Im tired and really looking
forward to Friday. Well tomorrow is hair appt day (Yahoo!, its only been
forever since I have had it done) Oh, Tami made up these really cute cards
to send out on her new puter.....its like a birth annoucement, but it
says "We have a new arrival! Our family computer! (and I didnt have to
lay on my back with legs up!)"......isnt that the best? LOL.....shes too much.
I really dont know what I am going to do in June without her being my
neighbor once the lease is up..now of course Im thinking Tennessee isnt
such a good idea, with my new job, more new friends, and of course Tami...
my sanity many times. Well gotta try and catch up with some mail and hit
the sack......this is when I feel old. Talk to you tomorrow
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March25,1999
Finally was able to pay the rent on time this month! Things may be starting
to look up again here finacially, I know I dont make that much at work,
but it is helping....had my short day today, worked til 1, then off to
2 wonderful hours at Kelli's having my hair done.....LOVE IT! I kinda
went light red, and it looks pretty good.....its just gonna take awhile to get
used too, from the dark red. Work went ok, had to have an "egg lesson"
LOL......seems liks Pa deli's run very different from NY delis....we
ask how they want their eggs done...here, they dont. That sounds like pretty
bad service to me.....whatever, dont want to rock the boat, or ask
why cant we ask how they want their eggs????? Well that is just for an
egg sandwich, which in my experience they like it all different ways...
Okay, enough about the eggs, Im relaxed now....had my beauty salon treatment
and feel gorgeous again :-)......as far as the weight, my pants are
getting looser and looser......so I assume its either weight or inches.
Let U know Monday......scale day. Okay, going to grab a nap....telling
you this job is busting my butt....talk to you all tomorrow
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March26,1999
Hi friends, today was a day from hell......alone at the store, the
state inspector shows up....and I cant tell you how frazzled I was....
there was tons of customers, being watched by the inspector, talk about
a nervous breakdown just about....anyway, all went well and then I forgot
someone's sandwich,which caused me a "scolding" from the boss. Tell you
friends, Im really not into this and almost quit.....but I love it, the
job that is.....really cool people, and Im happy there......anyway,
its Friday, so Im looking forward to the weekend and some rest......
talk to you all tomorrow..........
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March27,1999
Well looks like my career as a deli girl may be coming to an end.....I
went in today to get a movie and looked at my schedule, and they cut
down my hours to 16.....tues-fri 8-12. I guess forgetting the sandwich
yesterday was my downfall......a failure at a deli girl. I really like
the job, and thought I was doing pretty well...guess not. So Mon, I will
go and see if I can get something else and in the meantime just work
the hours they give me. It just doesnt seem worth getting up at 5 in the
morning for 80 dollars a week and a cut in tips....major depression
going on here and have to fight that feeling of "you are a failure at
everything"....I am going to talk to my boss and see what happened and
why I was cut so much, maybe its not what Im thinking at all......I do
have that the problem alot, thinking the worse. Though, if that is all
they are going to give me, I will look for something else with all the
free time I will have, Im pretty sure I can find something. Also I can
catch up on all my mail, so you all dont think Im ignoring you all...
talk to you tomorrow
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March28,1999
Still havent been able to talk to my boss yet....try again tomorrow.In
the meantime, I will take the hours I get, and look for something else
in case things dont improve......Rich just left out, and hes not too
happy with all of this and wants me to quit, but I like the job, and
want a chance to see what is up with the cut in hours first, then look
for something else and keep money coming in the meantime. Tomorrow is
weigh in day I think.....hoping for another pound. Well, even a half would
be nice at this point. Love you all and talk to you tomorrow......
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March29,1999
Well no loss to report, still at 139, but its ok. Im not gaining, and
thats all that matters. I finally talked to my boss today, and it seems
that the new girl they hired can be more flexiable then me hour wise.
She has no kids....but I spoke my mind about the Friday incident, and
they told me that they will try and work in better hours for me.......in
the meantime, I went back to the bank where my friend works, and they said
they need help....so filling out an application and trying for that.
She will give me a refrence, so I know I can get in the door......wish
me luck. I know I talked about the bank job before, but this time, I got
a good car, and a great thrift shop where I can pick up some decent
clothes til I can buy some new ones.....told you all, I will work this
out....talk to you all tomorrow
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March30,1999
A loss!!! This morning down to 138! This deli gig isnt all that great
but its helping me lose....this morning they told me I have to be in at
6:30 tomorrow til 11, UCK.....they promised that in a few weeks I will
get my Mondays back as well as more hours, but hey the bank application
is in the mail! Wish me luck with that, I get to see Andrea this weekend
for Easter, cant wait......well, a little nervous too. I don't know why,
just am....wondering if she hates me cause I sent her to her dad, or
if she misses me like I miss her,or if shes real happy and feeling that
twinge of "why? why cant she be happy with me?". Well, all I want for her
is happiness and sucess in her life so I just have to stay focused on that....
Wow, its just about April, still havent made my new page. Getting so far
behind with everything.....will get caught up, that goes for the letters
in my inbox, sorry friends. Its hard to get used to not being a domestic goddess
anymore :-). I promise to get to you soon, talk to you all tomorrow
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March31,1999
Well last day of the month..and I havent even got an April page ready to
go...I will have to work on that tonite as well as all the letters I still
need to answer....this job is just knocking me out. Guess Im getting old......
though I got to look at the loss of two pounds, the exercise and of course
some pretty neat new friends. Im just so fried right now, I cant even think
of anything worthwhile saying......boring. Talk to you all tomorrow.
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March,spring,hope&rebirth
